Dayum! I just watched a movie that makes me go Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Oh Man! Oh Man! I'm still laughing! I'm rolling! I'm catching my breath!!!!!

"Hitch" is friggin' hilarious!!!!!!!!!!

My buddy Falanke told me to watch this movie a few months ago. He said it's a must see movie. Okay, I know many of you are probably thinking, "Dude, GE, this movie came out years ago!" But, dude, I live such a busy life, that I can never make it to the theaters. Last Friday, I saw that the DVD was available for $4.99 at Circuit City. So, I figured that was the same price as renting it. And I bought it!

Bottom line, this movie is awesome! I only wish I saw this movie when it first came out. From the very first scene to the credits, I loved this. I related to almost every single line in this movie. This movie made me think of every time I've met a cute girl, whether at church or at a club, and just didn't know how to create a channel for communication.

I can't figure out what my favorite line of the movie is yet. Will Smith (Hitch) narrates at the beginning of the movie in an intro that almost had me down to tears of laugher and emotions.

Hitch: Basic Principles - No woman wakes up saying "God, I hope I don't get swept off my feet today!" Now, she might say "This is a really bad time for me," or something like "I just need some space," or my personal favorite "I'm really into my career right now." You believe that? Neither does she. You know why? 'Cause she's lying to you, that's why. You understand me? Lying! It's not a bad time for her. She doesn't need any space. And she may be into her career, but what she's really saying is "Uh, get away from me now," or possibly "Try harder, stupid," but which one is it?

GE (me): If I could receive a dollar everytime a girl has lied to let me down "easily", I would be a multi-millionaire. (I'm already a millionaire!). I've been rejected by so many women in my life that I could almost jiz over a 'yes'. I'm being facetious. But really, I was almost on the verge of tears when I watched that intro. I felt every single word that Will Smith narrated. I know that girls in general want to be swept off their feet by Prince Charming. I think I could say the right words and do the right things. But I think I don't I get the chance to win the heart of most girls I'm interested in. Most of the time, I think they can't look beyond my exterior characteristics: height, weight, dress, face.


If anything, I totally relate to the character Albert Brennaman (played by Kevin James). Albert is an overweight nerdy Jewish office grunt who doesn't get much attention from girls.

Albert had a few lines that say exactly how I feel sometimes:


Albert: You know what it's like getting up every morning? Feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man. But, at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you.

GE: Man, I totally feel hopeless sometimes. When I meet a girl and I find out I have no chance, I feel horrible. I want to know her, enjoy my company, and spend quality moments with me. I want her to feel comfortable with me and love me or who I am.

Hitch: Always remember, life is not how many breaths you take, it's how many moments take your breath away.

GE: This line embodies the same advice my buddy told me recently. My buddy basically said that the progress of a friendship or relationship evolves from the quality of the moments that I spend with a girl. Do those moments bring back postive feelings to the girl? Man, when my buddy told me that, I was stunned for a few minutes. I finally realized that my impact upon a girl is directly related to how effectively I well we click when we're together. Fortunately, I've quickly adopted this approach. So I literally make the most of every moment I have with a girl!

Sara: What should we toast to?
Hitch: Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.

GE: I'm definitely going to use the following line the next time I have a drink with a girl. Shoot, movies are just about perfect with the lines and situations. If I could just say the right thing at the right moment, I'd have the most exciting dates in my life. I get tongue-tied when I'm with a girl who I like. When I'm around my friends I do some of the craziest stuff and make everyone laugh on the spot. But when I'm with a girl I like, I'm dumber than dumb. Okay, I'm just gonna memorize every amazing line from "Hitch"!!!


Hitch: Basic Principles - no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet; he just needs the right broom. Any guy can sweep any girl off her feet, he just needs the right broom.

GE: Okay, Hitch, I wish this was 100% true every time. Unfortunately the "broom" is directly related to several other factors that we have no control over. First, the opportunity to meet the girl. Second, girls are not open to any guy sweeping her off her feet, just the right guy.


Hitch: Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes.

GE: Man, I wish I had a match maker, modern Cyrano de Bergerac! All I'm equipped with is the advice from my guy friends. Some of them know what they're talking about. My sister offers the worst advice in the world. Shoot, my sister is horrible!!!! I need to get better coaching, like a real life Hitch.

Hitch: One dance, one look, one kiss, that's all we get, Albert. Just... one shot, to make the difference between happily ever after, and oh? he's just some guy I went to some thing with once.

GE: This is definitely true. A first date is like a first job interview. You gotta show your best stuff, best behavior, personable stories, value to the client. Do something safe, like lunch or dinner. Don't go to a night club. Do stuff that makes you seem like a fun partner. I wish I could do this perfectly, everytime.

Albert: Honestly, I never knew I could feel like this. I'm going out of my mind. I want to throw myself off every building in New York. I see a cab and I want to dive in front of it because that way I'll stop thinking about her.

GE: I've felt this way about a girl only once. But dude, I'm not crazy enough to kill myself. I definitely love myself too much! Hahahah!

Hitch: So how does it happen, great love? Nobody knows... but what I can tell you is that it happens in the blink of an eye. One moment you're enjoying your life, and the next you're wondering how you ever lived without them.

GE: I'm still living my life without her. To be continued. I know that this chapter is not complete yet. And I'm confident that I have more to write about this last quote. I'm just getting tired and need to sleep soon.