I never thought I would come to this point in my time at Lumps. But I feel that 2003 is my final year in Lumps. Jerry Wong once said that Lumps is a transitional fellowship and everyone will move on from it. I didn't really understand what he meant back in 1999. I really cherished the idea of permanence and long term friendship.
But looking back on the past 4 years, I've come to realize that Jerry was very prophetic in his words. Some of my closer(est) friends are now gone. They've either gone off to another city for school or work. JimmyQ took off in the fall of 2000 for Harvard. It was a major change for the fellowship because he was one of the founders and one of the leaders in 98 and 99. Then Michelle and Dan got married in July of 01. Michelle was one of my closer friends at Lumps. In fact probably my closest friend in 99 and 00. We would chat on IM all the time. She was really a great friend whom I trusted and felt welcomed by. It's just not the same for a guy girl friendship when one of them gets married. In fact, it'll never be the same. I never had any feelings or anything like that. But we were really good buddies. And she really made me feel like I belonged to the fellowship.
Over the past two years, the departures have ocurred like a huge tidal wave. I probably can't name all of them because so many have taken place. But here are some of them that have really affected me. Ken Mori slowly stopped coming to the fellowship. He eventually moved back to P-town at the end of 2001. CLau graduated from UCSF and moved on to more schooling at UNC. My good friend Jess moved on from SF to my other alma mater Harvard. EChang moved back down to SoCal because her job was too boring in SF. ChanHo graduated from UoP and now works full time in the SoBay. GDubb is in SoCal exploring the world of design in Pas.
New people have come to lumps over the years. But it's a little different. New people have no regard for who is "in" or "veteran". In many ways, I feel like I have fallen to the way side, to the "periphery" of lumps. In fact. I feel like I am forgotten, ignored or just exlcuded from many events. I'm not sure if it's because GW left my name off of the roster that he produced in the summer. Could it be that simple? Doubtful.
But over the course of the past year and a half, I commonly find out about social events after they occur. The current crowd at lumps is not into using lumps talk to invite everyone, even though they end up inviting a significant portion of the fellowship. To me this is ludicrous. What's the point of doing things so "hush hush" that only 20% of the fellowship will find out about the event after it occurs?
I'm also saddened that I'm now part of the out crowd as opposed to the in crowd. Whether it's birthday evites, social life on friday nights, clubbing, ski trips, fantasy sports leagues or anything like that, I'm feeling left out. To make things worse, I no longer believe people when I ask them what they're doing for the weekend. Whenever I hear "dunno" or "nothin", it really means "I'm doing something with other people and I'm keeping it on the hush hush".
Basically, I feel like people would put more energy into keeping a secret or just lying in my face. Why do they spend so much energy to be exclusive? What does it take to be "in"? Why can't people just be honest? It's so high-school-ish to do this "hush hush," down-low, lying, "whisperer" (to quote Pastor Jeff) crap!
Especially amongst Christian friends, I find it repulsive to be cliquey, exclusive or just to lie to people. Christians should be different from the secular world, especially in their friendships. Friendships should not be just the same as the secular world. I always think of a few passages when I think of the level to which Christians should be inclusive.
Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity"
I Corinthians 12:12-26: "12 For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body--Jews or Greeks, slaves or free--and all were made to drink of one Spirit. 14 For the body does not consist of one member but of many. 15 If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body. 16 And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," that would not make it any less a part of the body. 17 If the whole body were an eye, where would be the hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? 18 But as it is, God arranged the organs in the body, each one of them, as he chose. 19 If all were a single organ, where would the body be? 20 As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. 21 The eye cannot say to the hand, "I have no need of you," nor again the head to the feet, "I have no need of you." 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body which seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and those parts of the body which we think less honorable we invest with the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving the greater honor to the inferior part, 25 that there may be no discord in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. 27 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it."
Acts 2:41-47 "41 So those who received his word were baptized, and there were added that day about three thousand souls. 42 And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. 43 And fear came upon every soul; and many wonders and signs were done through the apostles. 44 And all who believed were together and had all things in common; 45 and they sold their possessions and goods and distributed them to all, as any had need. 46 And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they partook of food with glad and generous hearts, 47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved."
I'm sick of it. Thank God I attended the Real World fellowship of Abundant Life in Palo Alto. If I didn't go there tonight, I would have prolly found out about yet another lumps social gig that I was not invited to; and I would have prolly been really sad.
One friend of mine in Korea (a former lumper) said I should just move on and just maintain the friendships that I did establish, outside of the fellowship. And for those who just turned out to be acquaintances, just let them be.
1. dinner/clubbing on 1/24/03 2. SWong's birthday 1/20/03 3. DShinn's ski trip 1/18/03 4. MChung's ski trip 1/??/03 5. JHuey's bday/clubbing 6. Millbrae's bday 7. Millbrae's fantasy bball league
Harvard NO!
Yes! Go Bruins!