Day Fourteen Saturday February 7, 2004... basically the final night :(
The parade, dinner at Four Seasons, Prime Time Sports Bar, going to Treasure Island, hanging out till 5am, that was it....
Monday, March 15, 2004
Day Ten Tuesday February 3, 2004
Evening.... I wasn't supposed to show up cuz Bling's friend didn't anticipate providing a dinner. But we ended up hanging out at that Spa.... There's a lot of pictures of it at Patrick Yuen's website. The guys all chipped in a few bucks cuz we didn't want the host to pay for it all outta his own pockets.
A lot of pictures and stuff.....
Evening.... I wasn't supposed to show up cuz Bling's friend didn't anticipate providing a dinner. But we ended up hanging out at that Spa.... There's a lot of pictures of it at Patrick Yuen's website. The guys all chipped in a few bucks cuz we didn't want the host to pay for it all outta his own pockets.
A lot of pictures and stuff.....
Day Five Thursday - January 29, 2004
Lunch at Yank Sing....
Mountain View on my left.... Miss Congeniality on my right....space.... Miss Hawaii... King of Siam... Miss Princeton.... Space.... Lucky... MountainView
TV cameras at our table....lunch....
Last time I would see Miss Stanford....
Off to Vegas on Friday through Monday....
Lunch at Yank Sing....
Mountain View on my left.... Miss Congeniality on my right....space.... Miss Hawaii... King of Siam... Miss Princeton.... Space.... Lucky... MountainView
TV cameras at our table....lunch....
Last time I would see Miss Stanford....
Off to Vegas on Friday through Monday....
Day Four - Wednesday January 28, 2004
I did the day shift. Why? Cuz I had to work at night, teaching SAT for Kaplan. Anways.
Rehearsals in the morning. Playing chess with Dragon. Miss Congeniality loses my match in 3 moves.
Dancing with Miss Mountain View.
Hanging with Miss New York, Miss Maryland/SF, lending $20, my only mistake.
Lunch at Meriwa... girls are sick.... hanging with Miss LA, Miss Belmont arm/arm.... my mistake....
Seeing the Puff Mama....
I did the day shift. Why? Cuz I had to work at night, teaching SAT for Kaplan. Anways.
Rehearsals in the morning. Playing chess with Dragon. Miss Congeniality loses my match in 3 moves.
Dancing with Miss Mountain View.
Hanging with Miss New York, Miss Maryland/SF, lending $20, my only mistake.
Lunch at Meriwa... girls are sick.... hanging with Miss LA, Miss Belmont arm/arm.... my mistake....
Seeing the Puff Mama....
Day Three at the Pageant: Tueday January 27, 2004.
Okay I did the night shift again. This time, I got the okay from Bling Bling to meet them at the restuarant, which is on Geary/18th. Since I work in Burlingame, Bling Bling was cool with it. Tuesday night
My table - Mr. Big Wig, Miss Mountain View, Miss Houston, Miss Seattle (to my left), Me, Sam big Wig (on my right), Miss TinTinTin, and JFK?
Bo's birthday, the cilantro with Miss Congeniality, the jag.
Meeting at night.
Okay I did the night shift again. This time, I got the okay from Bling Bling to meet them at the restuarant, which is on Geary/18th. Since I work in Burlingame, Bling Bling was cool with it. Tuesday night
My table - Mr. Big Wig, Miss Mountain View, Miss Houston, Miss Seattle (to my left), Me, Sam big Wig (on my right), Miss TinTinTin, and JFK?
Bo's birthday, the cilantro with Miss Congeniality, the jag.
Meeting at night.
Alright Day Two: Monday Jan 26, 04
Man this is taking more energy outta me than I thought. I tend write about a lot of stuff cuz I notice a lot of things that are really funny. I don't know if I have all of them in my head. Dude, I think I have only 1 megabyte of memory in my head. I wish I had picture perfect memory. If I did, I prolly woulda been a smarty-farty who went to Harvard Med School like a "goo boy, study werry goo".
Alright. Well, we escorts are not paid for our valiant volunteer ventures with the vomen of Chinatovn. So we get to choose whether we want to escort during the day shift or night. I chose the night shift for Monday. Bling Bling wanted more guys for Monday morning cuz they were going to make a big entrance with all of the contestants in front of the media. But I wasn't about to skip work just to do that. Well, it turned out that there were enough guys who were unemployed, students or both who volunteered to escort the girls in front of the media that morning. The girls had their picture taken at the Four Seas Restuarant on Grant Street. Four Seas became the restaurant that almost every other meal event occured at.
Anyways, I got down to Chinatown for the evening shift. That was cool. Bling Bling told the guys to walk down to New Asia Restaurant while he, Dragon and the Dillester loaded the girls into the van. It was a rainy evening. We all carried umbrellas as we walked about quarter mile to Pacific from the Holiday Inn. Not bad if your feet didn't get wet. Well, anyways, I had to build up an appetite somehow.
So the formalities began that night. We got there and formed a tunnel of umbrellas so the girls wouldn't get wet. We seated the girls, who weren't used to the formalities that the escorts had to perform for the girls. Basically, we escorts are required to walk the girls, arm-in-arm into the restaurants, hang their jackets, and seat them at their tables. Then we need to pour tea for them and make sure they're all ready to chow down! When the food comes, we need to make sure the girls are served.
The "Two-Fork Method" is the standard method of taking food from the serving plate to a girls plate. Usually I would ask a girl how much food she wants on her plate. Heck, it's a pageant week and the last thing a girl would want to do is pork out and look bloated in her swimsuit or Chang Sam. The good thing about the girls nibbling is that the guys can really chow down when there's food remaining.
Well, I decided I would sit at the table where Miss Las Vegas was sitting. She seemed kinda nice and I figured I would get to know her a little better. Miss Las Vegaswould be on my left and Miss LA would be on my right. We spoke very briefly and Miss LA told me she works at Entertainment Tonight. Cool!
But the next thing you know, Bling Bing pulls me over. He said, "Dude, I know it's raining outside. But I forgot to bring the red envelope and the signed poster for the restaurant owner. Can you go walk back to the HQ and get it from the house mother?" Oh wells. Since I'm a freshman escort, I gotta do what I'm told.
So I take fat umbrella and take a stroll back to the HQ. While I'm walking I decide to talk to my buddy from LA who's connected to peeps in the TV biz. Darnit, he doesn't know Miss LA. I don't have mutual friend to bring up in conversation. Well, I get back to the HQ, get the signed poster and the Lacie and skidaddle my way back to New Asia. Dang it's cold and rainy.
Well, we get back there and hang out. I get to know Miss LA and Miss Las Vegas a little better. At first I thought Miss LA didn't really want to talk to me. But after I told her I was a former TV reporter and that both of us are UCLA Bruin alumni, she warmed up quite a bit. I think she thought it was cool that we had somethings in common. We also have a mutual friend who reports for KNBC-TV. TC is a real veteran in the TV news biz, prolly one of the most accomplished Asian American males. I met him a few times when I was still in it.
Anyways, Miss LA tells me she's really into chinese music and karaoke. She likes ballroom dancing! (Cool! cuz that's my gig too!) But she really loves singing chinese songs. I tell her about this wild place in SF called "Tango! Tango!", a karaoke bar where you sing on stage instead of a booth. "Tango! Tango!" is da bomb! People are so embarassingly drunk that they do the silliest things in the world on stage. I wish I could bring Miss LA there just to watch it!
Miss Las Vegas is really cool. I found out that she had been snowboarding since the time she was in 7th grade. Dude!!!!! That means she's a total black diamond chick! Snow bunny! Dang, I'm a pro on the blues, a rookie on the blacks. I get so involved in my conversations with Miss Las Vegas and Miss LA that Dillster has to remind me to serve the girls whenever there's something new at the table. Luckily I caught him forgetting to serve the girls here and there too. So I could jokingly order him around and say "whassup wit dat Dillster? You lettin the girls pour tea for themselves?"
I don't totally remember everyone else at my table. I was so involved in my conversations. I think the other girls were Miss Gdubb_HighSchool (Gdubb for short) and someone else. Dangit. Bad memory. I didn't get to talk to Gdubb as much cuz she sat next to the Dillster. But she's cool.
Aight. So the night is basically almost done. I guess. The girls don't want to pork out and eat like crazy so they just quit eating pretty soon. This was one of the many multi-course meals that we would down over the course of the next two weeks. So we loaded up the girls back in the van. And for some weird reason Miss Belmont was not loaded on the bus. Instead she wanted to walk back to the hotel. So me, Pandy and PrettyBoy walked with Miss Belmont.
Diversions. Miss Belmont is a veteran on the Chinatown scene. She wasn't really ready to go back to the HQ. She knew the game. The girls go through lock-down at 11pm and basically can't leave their rooms. Miss Belmont knew that it would be like that for 2 weeks. And although I didn't know it at the time, I realized it much later, Miss Belmont was rooming with Miss Chicago (aka Miss Congeniality). So if anything, I couldn't blame Miss Belmont for wanting to stay out of her room for as long as possible. Rooming with Miss Congeniality would have been crazy for two weeks.
Anyways, we let Miss Belmont buy a tapioca milk tea at Ten Ren and we walked slowly back to the Holiday Inn. For the early part Miss Belmont was talking to her boyfriend on the cell phone. But she was cool after she got her tapioca. We had to think of an excuse for why we took so long to get back to the Holiday Inn. So I said, I got it. We'll tell them that Pandy had to go to the bathroom and we had to wait for him. Good one, good one.
Well, I figured she was a tourist in SF and wanted to just see the city. But then she told me she grew up in the Bay Area. I was like, "oh man, I ain't gonna treat you like a tourist. Whatevah!" Oh wells, I figure it was just that she didn't want to go through lock-down at 11pm.
When we got back to the HQ, we played cards at the House Mother's room. That was kinda cool. Miss LA, Miss Belmont, and a few of the guys played Texas Hold 'Em. Dude, I wasn't very good at betting and wasted a few good hands. Miss Belmont played well and beat us all. Then the house mother said time was up. And I guess that was it for Day Two!
Man this is taking more energy outta me than I thought. I tend write about a lot of stuff cuz I notice a lot of things that are really funny. I don't know if I have all of them in my head. Dude, I think I have only 1 megabyte of memory in my head. I wish I had picture perfect memory. If I did, I prolly woulda been a smarty-farty who went to Harvard Med School like a "goo boy, study werry goo".
Alright. Well, we escorts are not paid for our valiant volunteer ventures with the vomen of Chinatovn. So we get to choose whether we want to escort during the day shift or night. I chose the night shift for Monday. Bling Bling wanted more guys for Monday morning cuz they were going to make a big entrance with all of the contestants in front of the media. But I wasn't about to skip work just to do that. Well, it turned out that there were enough guys who were unemployed, students or both who volunteered to escort the girls in front of the media that morning. The girls had their picture taken at the Four Seas Restuarant on Grant Street. Four Seas became the restaurant that almost every other meal event occured at.
Anyways, I got down to Chinatown for the evening shift. That was cool. Bling Bling told the guys to walk down to New Asia Restaurant while he, Dragon and the Dillester loaded the girls into the van. It was a rainy evening. We all carried umbrellas as we walked about quarter mile to Pacific from the Holiday Inn. Not bad if your feet didn't get wet. Well, anyways, I had to build up an appetite somehow.
So the formalities began that night. We got there and formed a tunnel of umbrellas so the girls wouldn't get wet. We seated the girls, who weren't used to the formalities that the escorts had to perform for the girls. Basically, we escorts are required to walk the girls, arm-in-arm into the restaurants, hang their jackets, and seat them at their tables. Then we need to pour tea for them and make sure they're all ready to chow down! When the food comes, we need to make sure the girls are served.
The "Two-Fork Method" is the standard method of taking food from the serving plate to a girls plate. Usually I would ask a girl how much food she wants on her plate. Heck, it's a pageant week and the last thing a girl would want to do is pork out and look bloated in her swimsuit or Chang Sam. The good thing about the girls nibbling is that the guys can really chow down when there's food remaining.
Well, I decided I would sit at the table where Miss Las Vegas was sitting. She seemed kinda nice and I figured I would get to know her a little better. Miss Las Vegaswould be on my left and Miss LA would be on my right. We spoke very briefly and Miss LA told me she works at Entertainment Tonight. Cool!
But the next thing you know, Bling Bing pulls me over. He said, "Dude, I know it's raining outside. But I forgot to bring the red envelope and the signed poster for the restaurant owner. Can you go walk back to the HQ and get it from the house mother?" Oh wells. Since I'm a freshman escort, I gotta do what I'm told.
So I take fat umbrella and take a stroll back to the HQ. While I'm walking I decide to talk to my buddy from LA who's connected to peeps in the TV biz. Darnit, he doesn't know Miss LA. I don't have mutual friend to bring up in conversation. Well, I get back to the HQ, get the signed poster and the Lacie and skidaddle my way back to New Asia. Dang it's cold and rainy.
Well, we get back there and hang out. I get to know Miss LA and Miss Las Vegas a little better. At first I thought Miss LA didn't really want to talk to me. But after I told her I was a former TV reporter and that both of us are UCLA Bruin alumni, she warmed up quite a bit. I think she thought it was cool that we had somethings in common. We also have a mutual friend who reports for KNBC-TV. TC is a real veteran in the TV news biz, prolly one of the most accomplished Asian American males. I met him a few times when I was still in it.
Anyways, Miss LA tells me she's really into chinese music and karaoke. She likes ballroom dancing! (Cool! cuz that's my gig too!) But she really loves singing chinese songs. I tell her about this wild place in SF called "Tango! Tango!", a karaoke bar where you sing on stage instead of a booth. "Tango! Tango!" is da bomb! People are so embarassingly drunk that they do the silliest things in the world on stage. I wish I could bring Miss LA there just to watch it!
Miss Las Vegas is really cool. I found out that she had been snowboarding since the time she was in 7th grade. Dude!!!!! That means she's a total black diamond chick! Snow bunny! Dang, I'm a pro on the blues, a rookie on the blacks. I get so involved in my conversations with Miss Las Vegas and Miss LA that Dillster has to remind me to serve the girls whenever there's something new at the table. Luckily I caught him forgetting to serve the girls here and there too. So I could jokingly order him around and say "whassup wit dat Dillster? You lettin the girls pour tea for themselves?"
I don't totally remember everyone else at my table. I was so involved in my conversations. I think the other girls were Miss Gdubb_HighSchool (Gdubb for short) and someone else. Dangit. Bad memory. I didn't get to talk to Gdubb as much cuz she sat next to the Dillster. But she's cool.
Aight. So the night is basically almost done. I guess. The girls don't want to pork out and eat like crazy so they just quit eating pretty soon. This was one of the many multi-course meals that we would down over the course of the next two weeks. So we loaded up the girls back in the van. And for some weird reason Miss Belmont was not loaded on the bus. Instead she wanted to walk back to the hotel. So me, Pandy and PrettyBoy walked with Miss Belmont.
Diversions. Miss Belmont is a veteran on the Chinatown scene. She wasn't really ready to go back to the HQ. She knew the game. The girls go through lock-down at 11pm and basically can't leave their rooms. Miss Belmont knew that it would be like that for 2 weeks. And although I didn't know it at the time, I realized it much later, Miss Belmont was rooming with Miss Chicago (aka Miss Congeniality). So if anything, I couldn't blame Miss Belmont for wanting to stay out of her room for as long as possible. Rooming with Miss Congeniality would have been crazy for two weeks.
Anyways, we let Miss Belmont buy a tapioca milk tea at Ten Ren and we walked slowly back to the Holiday Inn. For the early part Miss Belmont was talking to her boyfriend on the cell phone. But she was cool after she got her tapioca. We had to think of an excuse for why we took so long to get back to the Holiday Inn. So I said, I got it. We'll tell them that Pandy had to go to the bathroom and we had to wait for him. Good one, good one.
Well, I figured she was a tourist in SF and wanted to just see the city. But then she told me she grew up in the Bay Area. I was like, "oh man, I ain't gonna treat you like a tourist. Whatevah!" Oh wells, I figure it was just that she didn't want to go through lock-down at 11pm.
When we got back to the HQ, we played cards at the House Mother's room. That was kinda cool. Miss LA, Miss Belmont, and a few of the guys played Texas Hold 'Em. Dude, I wasn't very good at betting and wasted a few good hands. Miss Belmont played well and beat us all. Then the house mother said time was up. And I guess that was it for Day Two!
Sunday, March 14, 2004
Stuff I shoulda posted a while back.....
Reflections on a Pageant.... Miss Chinatown USA 2004.
I have long wanted to write about my escapades as an escort for the 2004 Miss Chinatown USA Pageant. Much happened over the two weeks and I should have been posting everyday that I was on it. But here's some reflections...
Sunday January 25, 2004 5am. I woke up in a cabin at Lake Tahoe. Actually I couldn't sleep cuz my roommate snored louder than a lawnmower! I was finishing up a ski trip with some friends from my old church, GGCRC. Funny thing, only two other people (of the 12-13 who went) actually went to the slopes with me. I boarded with them at Alpine Meadows.
It was just perfect out there. Tons of snow, falling while we were sliding down the hills. But that was the day before. I was committed to participating in the pageant and that meant I had to get to SF Chinatown by 10:30am or I was out. So I had to book my way back to the city.
Okay, it was a boring ride on Highway 80. I was with two rather uninteresting people and all I wanted to do was drop them off ASAP. By the time we got to SF, it was about 9:00am and I thought everything looked good. Well, everything was clear except my car. Dude, it had an ugly layer of salt all over it. And worse yet, my engine check light was on. Dude, what the heck did that mean? Well, I went home washed it up and just rushed down to Holiday Inn Chinatown-- the HQ of the pageant escorts.
Alright, I got to the escorts meeting at 10:30am. It was just getting started. Bling Bling is the head escort. He's done it for 8 years already and is one of the veterans. There were a few guys I knew from SCBC (my most recent church) where were at the meeting, JFK, Pandy, SnowBoard King and Lucky. Actually one of the other co-chairs was the King of Thai. He's done it for three years now, and he's the one guy who had faith in me, enough to bring me into the fraternity of escorts.
You see, at SCBC, there have been a bunch of guys who've been escorts. For a while they tried to keep it on the down-lo, even though everyone in the world knew they were doing it. Really, it's not a big deal or anything. I don't know what the heck they were all concerned about. G(Q)W and TheFranchise were prolly the most paranoid about girls thinking they were volunteering in the past, just to hit on the contestants. Seriously, I'm don't care what people think. I did it cuz it has been the underground story of some of the funniest secrets amongst the guys. I never had time to do it in the past and had always wanted to know what it was all about.
Even funnier, some of the guys, ahem, like GQW and TheFranchise would use silly excuses for participating in the pageant. They would say that htye did it as another form of ministry to non-believers. Complete BS! I would never tell someone that I'm escorting as a form of ministry. I'm doing it just for fun. I AIMed with Snoopy and asked her what she thought about guys participating in the pageant. She thought it was fine. She just thought it was ridiculous/stupid/idiotic when guys said they were trying minister to the pageant community. Well, I assured Snoopy that I was doing it just for fun and I would never try to hide my intentions behind a false ministry effort.
Okay, let's get on with the event. I know you want to hear about the girls. I'm not gonna talk about that yet. Alright, so we have this meeting where Bling Bling, the head chair of the escorts tells us all the rules about what the escorts should do and should not do. The rules are simple. Basically, don't offend anyone and don't hit on the girls. Sounds simple? Well it isn't so. Actually some of the guys I know have been booted in previous years for violating those simple rules.
So I was assigned to do one thing that afternoon. Take a girl, Miss New York, to the family associations that represent her name. Cool. So I walk with Miss New York. Dangit she be hecka tall. No, actually, I be hecka short. When she wears her 10 inch heels, I look hecka short. No problems. So we walk to the Chen family association and we ask for whoever's in charge. Yikes. I don't speak Cantonese. Miss New York doesn't speak Cantonese either. She's originally from Beijing. Okay. What the heck should we do?
Well, someone finally understands our Mandarin. At least Miss New York speaks fluently while I just stand and smile. She tells them she's the contestant from NYC and they're all smiling and glad to meet her. We give them a red envelope, Lacie, which has a gift from the Chamber of Commerce to the family association. All of the members in the association building come out to meet with Miss New York. Fortuneately the president of the association speaks good mandarin and we communicate for a little. They give us tea and I take the pictures for the members and Miss New York. Hey, they give me a Lacie too. Not bad. Just two bucks.
We go to another family association on one of the side streets. Do the same routine. Then when we're done, Miss New York asks me if she can go get something to eat. I said sure why not? I think she was hecka hungry cuz she it was already 8pm EST and we had another hour or so before our own dinner. So I took her to one of those Chinese restaurants and she ordered some food. I asked her a few things and got to know her.
What did I find out immediately? 1) She was a Senior at Fordham U in NYC. 2) She grew up in Beijing and came to the US when she was about 13. 3) She has a boyfriend who wanted to come out but the house mothers warned her that no BFs are allowed during the week of the pageant. 4) She does bartending for fun. She seemed pretty cool and liked some of my jokes that I reeled off. I think she especially liked my Redneck Mandarin. Overall, Miss New York was pretty cool.
So I brought her back to the HQ and then hungout with the guys. The next event that night would be the dinner. Da fellas, ie da escorts, had to walk the girls to this Cafe Honolulu restaurant in on Stockton. So I figured I would try to walk Miss Hawaii. Heck, we're going to Cafe Honolulu. Well, I met Miss Hawaii and immediately I knew she was a pageant veteran. The first and just about the only question she asked me was this: "Is this your first year as an Escort?" Well, admitting that it was basically turned me into a peon in her eyes. There was something about they way she carried herself that made me think she's all about business.
Anways, I tried to make her laugh a little and break the ice. I told Miss Hawaii how I really enjoyed visiting Honolulu when I went there in 2001. Yeah. I do love Hawaii. It's such a fun place to be and the weather there is da bomb. I guess that's where I bombed. the next thing I tried to do was make her laugh. Of all the girls in the pageant, Miss Hawaii was the only girl who didn't laugh at my jokes. I couldn't believe it. I thought Miss Hawaii would have been the most laid back. But I guess she didn't find my fake-Pidgeon accent all that funny. Okay I'm not dat good at it yet. I need to watch "Lilo & Stich" again or something like that.
Alright, we made it to the restuarant. Whew, I let her go. I was releived. I thought Hawaii was the warm state. I just thought I came with Miss Alaska. Anyways. I figured I'd be careful with which table I sat at. There was already one table with 6 girls sitting there. I figured that wouldn't be a good table to sit at. And Miss Hawaii was there. So I figured I'd take a break. My buddy Snowboard King was at that table. Man, he was up for some challenges. Pandy was at another table with a few other girls. So I ended up at a third table where there were five guys, and three girls.
So I took the corner seat at my table. There were eight people. I was in the bottom right corner. Across from me was Lucky. If you don't know Lucky, here's a piece of advice. Don't ask him a question. If you aske Lucky what time it is, he'll tell you the time and how the watch was made. Got it? To my left is EC, a young un who knows a lot for his age. To EC's left is Miss Las Vegas, a young un who was kinda nice and friendly. To the left of Miss LV was JFK. Across from JFK was Miss Stanford Law. Then to the right of Miss Stanford was Mr. Cupertino and then Miss TinTinTin. And To the right of Miss TinTinTin is Lucky, who sat across from me.
Well, the food at Cafe Honolulu was kinda yech. I can't complain. It was the first of many free meals that I would down over the next two weeks. I was a little bored after a while cuz we weren't really talking that deep. Anyways, I decided I'd create some laughter at my table. So I text messaged Mr. SnowBoard (one of only two guys) at the table with six girls. I figured he wasn't getting anywhere with them cuz he looked hecka quiet. So I texted him this message: "Dude, loosen up and don't be nervous around the girls". Then I told everyone at my table to watch Thomas grab for his phone and I knew he would look toward me. Just as I had planned, his phone buzzed, he looked at the phone, was embarassed and looked over to my table. By that time, everyone looked at him and laughed!!!!!
So I figured I could do it again with Pandy. Understand, Pandy can go a whole night at a table with girls and just say nothing. So I texted him the following message: "Dude, say something to the girls!" Dangit, for some reason Pandy wasn't looking at his phone. What was wrong? I couldn't humiliate him in front of everyone at my table. What was wrong? Later I found out that Pandy's phone was low-tech and didn't receive text messages. Uggghhhh..
Oh well, I got to meet the girls at my table. And I think Miss Las Vegas kinda thought I was funny with my Red Neck Mandarin accent. She was pretty cool. Miss Stanford was cool too. But man, her fake eyelashes were just HUGE! But she sat so far away that I didn't really get to talk to her as much. She just told me her parents were in Taiwan. Miss TinTinTin was cool. But she didn't say much. Oh wells. That was it for the first night.
Reflections on a Pageant.... Miss Chinatown USA 2004.
I have long wanted to write about my escapades as an escort for the 2004 Miss Chinatown USA Pageant. Much happened over the two weeks and I should have been posting everyday that I was on it. But here's some reflections...
Sunday January 25, 2004 5am. I woke up in a cabin at Lake Tahoe. Actually I couldn't sleep cuz my roommate snored louder than a lawnmower! I was finishing up a ski trip with some friends from my old church, GGCRC. Funny thing, only two other people (of the 12-13 who went) actually went to the slopes with me. I boarded with them at Alpine Meadows.
It was just perfect out there. Tons of snow, falling while we were sliding down the hills. But that was the day before. I was committed to participating in the pageant and that meant I had to get to SF Chinatown by 10:30am or I was out. So I had to book my way back to the city.
Okay, it was a boring ride on Highway 80. I was with two rather uninteresting people and all I wanted to do was drop them off ASAP. By the time we got to SF, it was about 9:00am and I thought everything looked good. Well, everything was clear except my car. Dude, it had an ugly layer of salt all over it. And worse yet, my engine check light was on. Dude, what the heck did that mean? Well, I went home washed it up and just rushed down to Holiday Inn Chinatown-- the HQ of the pageant escorts.
Alright, I got to the escorts meeting at 10:30am. It was just getting started. Bling Bling is the head escort. He's done it for 8 years already and is one of the veterans. There were a few guys I knew from SCBC (my most recent church) where were at the meeting, JFK, Pandy, SnowBoard King and Lucky. Actually one of the other co-chairs was the King of Thai. He's done it for three years now, and he's the one guy who had faith in me, enough to bring me into the fraternity of escorts.
You see, at SCBC, there have been a bunch of guys who've been escorts. For a while they tried to keep it on the down-lo, even though everyone in the world knew they were doing it. Really, it's not a big deal or anything. I don't know what the heck they were all concerned about. G(Q)W and TheFranchise were prolly the most paranoid about girls thinking they were volunteering in the past, just to hit on the contestants. Seriously, I'm don't care what people think. I did it cuz it has been the underground story of some of the funniest secrets amongst the guys. I never had time to do it in the past and had always wanted to know what it was all about.
Even funnier, some of the guys, ahem, like GQW and TheFranchise would use silly excuses for participating in the pageant. They would say that htye did it as another form of ministry to non-believers. Complete BS! I would never tell someone that I'm escorting as a form of ministry. I'm doing it just for fun. I AIMed with Snoopy and asked her what she thought about guys participating in the pageant. She thought it was fine. She just thought it was ridiculous/stupid/idiotic when guys said they were trying minister to the pageant community. Well, I assured Snoopy that I was doing it just for fun and I would never try to hide my intentions behind a false ministry effort.
Okay, let's get on with the event. I know you want to hear about the girls. I'm not gonna talk about that yet. Alright, so we have this meeting where Bling Bling, the head chair of the escorts tells us all the rules about what the escorts should do and should not do. The rules are simple. Basically, don't offend anyone and don't hit on the girls. Sounds simple? Well it isn't so. Actually some of the guys I know have been booted in previous years for violating those simple rules.
So I was assigned to do one thing that afternoon. Take a girl, Miss New York, to the family associations that represent her name. Cool. So I walk with Miss New York. Dangit she be hecka tall. No, actually, I be hecka short. When she wears her 10 inch heels, I look hecka short. No problems. So we walk to the Chen family association and we ask for whoever's in charge. Yikes. I don't speak Cantonese. Miss New York doesn't speak Cantonese either. She's originally from Beijing. Okay. What the heck should we do?
Well, someone finally understands our Mandarin. At least Miss New York speaks fluently while I just stand and smile. She tells them she's the contestant from NYC and they're all smiling and glad to meet her. We give them a red envelope, Lacie, which has a gift from the Chamber of Commerce to the family association. All of the members in the association building come out to meet with Miss New York. Fortuneately the president of the association speaks good mandarin and we communicate for a little. They give us tea and I take the pictures for the members and Miss New York. Hey, they give me a Lacie too. Not bad. Just two bucks.
We go to another family association on one of the side streets. Do the same routine. Then when we're done, Miss New York asks me if she can go get something to eat. I said sure why not? I think she was hecka hungry cuz she it was already 8pm EST and we had another hour or so before our own dinner. So I took her to one of those Chinese restaurants and she ordered some food. I asked her a few things and got to know her.
What did I find out immediately? 1) She was a Senior at Fordham U in NYC. 2) She grew up in Beijing and came to the US when she was about 13. 3) She has a boyfriend who wanted to come out but the house mothers warned her that no BFs are allowed during the week of the pageant. 4) She does bartending for fun. She seemed pretty cool and liked some of my jokes that I reeled off. I think she especially liked my Redneck Mandarin. Overall, Miss New York was pretty cool.
So I brought her back to the HQ and then hungout with the guys. The next event that night would be the dinner. Da fellas, ie da escorts, had to walk the girls to this Cafe Honolulu restaurant in on Stockton. So I figured I would try to walk Miss Hawaii. Heck, we're going to Cafe Honolulu. Well, I met Miss Hawaii and immediately I knew she was a pageant veteran. The first and just about the only question she asked me was this: "Is this your first year as an Escort?" Well, admitting that it was basically turned me into a peon in her eyes. There was something about they way she carried herself that made me think she's all about business.
Anways, I tried to make her laugh a little and break the ice. I told Miss Hawaii how I really enjoyed visiting Honolulu when I went there in 2001. Yeah. I do love Hawaii. It's such a fun place to be and the weather there is da bomb. I guess that's where I bombed. the next thing I tried to do was make her laugh. Of all the girls in the pageant, Miss Hawaii was the only girl who didn't laugh at my jokes. I couldn't believe it. I thought Miss Hawaii would have been the most laid back. But I guess she didn't find my fake-Pidgeon accent all that funny. Okay I'm not dat good at it yet. I need to watch "Lilo & Stich" again or something like that.
Alright, we made it to the restuarant. Whew, I let her go. I was releived. I thought Hawaii was the warm state. I just thought I came with Miss Alaska. Anyways. I figured I'd be careful with which table I sat at. There was already one table with 6 girls sitting there. I figured that wouldn't be a good table to sit at. And Miss Hawaii was there. So I figured I'd take a break. My buddy Snowboard King was at that table. Man, he was up for some challenges. Pandy was at another table with a few other girls. So I ended up at a third table where there were five guys, and three girls.
So I took the corner seat at my table. There were eight people. I was in the bottom right corner. Across from me was Lucky. If you don't know Lucky, here's a piece of advice. Don't ask him a question. If you aske Lucky what time it is, he'll tell you the time and how the watch was made. Got it? To my left is EC, a young un who knows a lot for his age. To EC's left is Miss Las Vegas, a young un who was kinda nice and friendly. To the left of Miss LV was JFK. Across from JFK was Miss Stanford Law. Then to the right of Miss Stanford was Mr. Cupertino and then Miss TinTinTin. And To the right of Miss TinTinTin is Lucky, who sat across from me.
Well, the food at Cafe Honolulu was kinda yech. I can't complain. It was the first of many free meals that I would down over the next two weeks. I was a little bored after a while cuz we weren't really talking that deep. Anyways, I decided I'd create some laughter at my table. So I text messaged Mr. SnowBoard (one of only two guys) at the table with six girls. I figured he wasn't getting anywhere with them cuz he looked hecka quiet. So I texted him this message: "Dude, loosen up and don't be nervous around the girls". Then I told everyone at my table to watch Thomas grab for his phone and I knew he would look toward me. Just as I had planned, his phone buzzed, he looked at the phone, was embarassed and looked over to my table. By that time, everyone looked at him and laughed!!!!!
So I figured I could do it again with Pandy. Understand, Pandy can go a whole night at a table with girls and just say nothing. So I texted him the following message: "Dude, say something to the girls!" Dangit, for some reason Pandy wasn't looking at his phone. What was wrong? I couldn't humiliate him in front of everyone at my table. What was wrong? Later I found out that Pandy's phone was low-tech and didn't receive text messages. Uggghhhh..
Oh well, I got to meet the girls at my table. And I think Miss Las Vegas kinda thought I was funny with my Red Neck Mandarin accent. She was pretty cool. Miss Stanford was cool too. But man, her fake eyelashes were just HUGE! But she sat so far away that I didn't really get to talk to her as much. She just told me her parents were in Taiwan. Miss TinTinTin was cool. But she didn't say much. Oh wells. That was it for the first night.
Friday, March 12, 2004
Who reads this?
I've always wondered who actually reads my crap. Well, I know I'm known for being one of the few honest bloggers, who doesn't care what people think when I write. But I haven't written all of my "Best" stuff because of backlash from some people who don't like my topics. But really, if you don't like it or don't agree with it, don't read it!
Anyways, I'm just writing about stuff and my opinion of the experiences I have in everyday life. Many of you have not seen me on a daily basis and probably don't know what's going on with me. Lately, not a lot.
For most of 2003, I worked multiple jobs. Since April of last year I started telecommuting with a PR agency based in Kansas City. Then I started doing mortgage with a company in Burlingame at the end of June. Two jobs. Then in October I started my third job, as a teacher for Kaplan, teaching the SAT. Then in November I started my fourth, doing the shot-clock for Stanford's women's basketball team.
Now it's mid-march and I'm back to just two jobs. The PR gig ended with drama and I'm not working with them anymore. The Stanford regular season ended and with it was my hobby of watching lesbi-ball.
To take a few minutes to comment on women's basketball, I shall take that privilege. Well, at first I was the typical male skeptic of women's basketball: it's BORING! Having grown up in Kentucky, watching intense SEC basketball throughout my childhood, I admired some of the greats of men's college basketball: Sam Bowie, Mel Turpin, Kenny Walker, Rex Chapman, Charles Barkely, Chuck Person, Derrick McKey, Buck Johnson, Dominique Wilkins, Moten/Maxwell to name a few. C'mon some of these guys are legendary dunkers (Wilkins, Walker).
And the slam dunk is such a crucial element to the excitement and entertainment value of men's basketball. Without the slam dunk, you might as well watch high school ball which often displays players who can't dunk.
So over the course of the season, I had the best seat in the house - at the half court line at the scorer's table. So I watched the Stanford women destroy some teams, by as much as 50 points. Most of the time, it was through three pointers and layups. To my surprise Maples Pavilion was never empty. In fact, more than half of the seats were filled at all of the games. The crowd even got hecka psyched up. Although, it was a little weird that about 2/3 of the fans were seemingly lesbian. Seeing so many lesbians gave me flashbacks of my old boss when I was a TV reporter in Florida. (S)he was such a bitch! So all I could see was all these flashbacks of The Bitch screaming her(his) head off at me for nit-picky mistakes that I made on my reporting. And half the lesbian audience had that same butchy-bitch haircut that (s)he had.
But it was not as bad as I thought it would be. In fact it was quite exciting at some points to watch women's basketball. Believe it or not, I think the women of Stanford more than earned my respect for their court skills. I would have to give them props for playing better basketball than a lot of guys that I know. First of all, they don't miss free throws as much as guys do. The girls practice their frees more or just concentrate better. But they make their free throws. They also know how to shoot from outside with better form than the guys. Women's basketball has made the 3 point shot into a constant threat. Teams cannot ignore the three when playing Stanford. In fact, at several games, Stanford literally destroyed their opponents by dropping threes all night.
But I do admit that I wish they could dunk. If I was 6'3" I would be slamming the ball down as hard as I could every chance I had. I would watch some fast breaks that would end in jump shots or three pointers or layups. In my mind, I would be saying "uhhhhhh". And sometimes I would let out a "Slam it!@!@!@!@!" to no avail. Even so, I have to say they were good players and it forced them to focus on the fundamentals of basketball instead of styling. Once in a while they would have some great passing that resulted in awesome layups. I have to agree with the legendary coach John Wooden who once said women's basketball is the last bastion of sound fundamentals in basketball.
Another thing that I learned is how hard the people doing the game clock and shot clock are working. Dude, when I told some people that I do the shot clock, they were surprised cuz they all thought it was done by a robot! C'mon. Actually that shows me how perfect other people perform on the shot clock.
But really it's all a matter of good judgment, precision and quick reflexes. Unfortunately, I was not perfect. And I messed up royally a few times (probably about 5-6 times). Luckily none of my mistakes were bad enough to decide the game. I was fortunate that Stanford blows out most of its opponents and my mistakes simply delayed the games. If I do it next year, they'll have newer equipment which might also help prevent some of the mistakes I made (accidentally hitting "blank" instead of reset").
Other musings. I was glad to know that Chelsea Trotter (R-JR), center, 6'3", is a Christian. I saw her one evening at Abundant Life Christian fellowship and spoke with her at the next game. The Stanford athletics website used to list that she wished could meet Jesus, Bill Gates (ughh), and Prince William (ugggghhh). So that was 1/3 cool. She's gonna forego her extra year of eligibility, so I won't get to see her if I do the shot clock next year. Bummer, she's kinda cute! (But I'm prolly not tall enough for her.) In fact that's one advantage of women's basketball compared to men's. At least some of the athletes are cute. The other cutie I saw this season was Gioconda Mendiola of UW. But she throws her elbows a little too violently!
Nichole Powell. Because I was male-basketball chauvinist before this season, I didn't know who she was until this season. Now, I could confidently say that she could kick most guys' asses on the court. One-on-one with non-dunking male players, she could kick any guys' ass! SHE GOT GAME! If she was a man, she'd be considered LeBronesque. She can play forward, guard or center. She's got handles! She can shoot the three, penetrate any piece of fat forward in the women's game, or dribble around the lard, and put the basket in the hole. Nichole was exciting to watch because everytime she had the ball in her hands it meant something was gonna happen. She could take over the game when she had the ball and her numbers were proof. She averaged 20 ppg, 11.1 rpg, and 3.8 rpg. There were a few games where she triple-doubled. She'll easily be a top 3 pick in the WNBA and Stanford will miss her badly next year. She's the only reason why Stanford was a top 10 team this year.
What else do I have to ramble about? Well, for many of you who haven't seen me, you might notice something different about me. Depending on the last time that you've seen me, you will notice accordingly. I've never been serious about diets. Most people would say that diets are false alterations of eating habits, forcing you to eat very little till you starve. Well, that's not true with a low-carb Atkins-like diet. In fact I eat all I want as long as it's not bread, crackers, chips, noodles or any form of carbs. So far I've lost 20 pounds from my heaviest times. Yes, I've dropped 4 belt sizes already. My pants will fall off if I don't wear a belt now. I'm not starving. But I'm not eating carbs. I miss some of those foods. But I don't miss the pounds.
I've always wondered who actually reads my crap. Well, I know I'm known for being one of the few honest bloggers, who doesn't care what people think when I write. But I haven't written all of my "Best" stuff because of backlash from some people who don't like my topics. But really, if you don't like it or don't agree with it, don't read it!
Anyways, I'm just writing about stuff and my opinion of the experiences I have in everyday life. Many of you have not seen me on a daily basis and probably don't know what's going on with me. Lately, not a lot.
For most of 2003, I worked multiple jobs. Since April of last year I started telecommuting with a PR agency based in Kansas City. Then I started doing mortgage with a company in Burlingame at the end of June. Two jobs. Then in October I started my third job, as a teacher for Kaplan, teaching the SAT. Then in November I started my fourth, doing the shot-clock for Stanford's women's basketball team.
Now it's mid-march and I'm back to just two jobs. The PR gig ended with drama and I'm not working with them anymore. The Stanford regular season ended and with it was my hobby of watching lesbi-ball.
To take a few minutes to comment on women's basketball, I shall take that privilege. Well, at first I was the typical male skeptic of women's basketball: it's BORING! Having grown up in Kentucky, watching intense SEC basketball throughout my childhood, I admired some of the greats of men's college basketball: Sam Bowie, Mel Turpin, Kenny Walker, Rex Chapman, Charles Barkely, Chuck Person, Derrick McKey, Buck Johnson, Dominique Wilkins, Moten/Maxwell to name a few. C'mon some of these guys are legendary dunkers (Wilkins, Walker).
And the slam dunk is such a crucial element to the excitement and entertainment value of men's basketball. Without the slam dunk, you might as well watch high school ball which often displays players who can't dunk.
So over the course of the season, I had the best seat in the house - at the half court line at the scorer's table. So I watched the Stanford women destroy some teams, by as much as 50 points. Most of the time, it was through three pointers and layups. To my surprise Maples Pavilion was never empty. In fact, more than half of the seats were filled at all of the games. The crowd even got hecka psyched up. Although, it was a little weird that about 2/3 of the fans were seemingly lesbian. Seeing so many lesbians gave me flashbacks of my old boss when I was a TV reporter in Florida. (S)he was such a bitch! So all I could see was all these flashbacks of The Bitch screaming her(his) head off at me for nit-picky mistakes that I made on my reporting. And half the lesbian audience had that same butchy-bitch haircut that (s)he had.
But it was not as bad as I thought it would be. In fact it was quite exciting at some points to watch women's basketball. Believe it or not, I think the women of Stanford more than earned my respect for their court skills. I would have to give them props for playing better basketball than a lot of guys that I know. First of all, they don't miss free throws as much as guys do. The girls practice their frees more or just concentrate better. But they make their free throws. They also know how to shoot from outside with better form than the guys. Women's basketball has made the 3 point shot into a constant threat. Teams cannot ignore the three when playing Stanford. In fact, at several games, Stanford literally destroyed their opponents by dropping threes all night.
But I do admit that I wish they could dunk. If I was 6'3" I would be slamming the ball down as hard as I could every chance I had. I would watch some fast breaks that would end in jump shots or three pointers or layups. In my mind, I would be saying "uhhhhhh". And sometimes I would let out a "Slam it!@!@!@!@!" to no avail. Even so, I have to say they were good players and it forced them to focus on the fundamentals of basketball instead of styling. Once in a while they would have some great passing that resulted in awesome layups. I have to agree with the legendary coach John Wooden who once said women's basketball is the last bastion of sound fundamentals in basketball.
Another thing that I learned is how hard the people doing the game clock and shot clock are working. Dude, when I told some people that I do the shot clock, they were surprised cuz they all thought it was done by a robot! C'mon. Actually that shows me how perfect other people perform on the shot clock.
But really it's all a matter of good judgment, precision and quick reflexes. Unfortunately, I was not perfect. And I messed up royally a few times (probably about 5-6 times). Luckily none of my mistakes were bad enough to decide the game. I was fortunate that Stanford blows out most of its opponents and my mistakes simply delayed the games. If I do it next year, they'll have newer equipment which might also help prevent some of the mistakes I made (accidentally hitting "blank" instead of reset").
Other musings. I was glad to know that Chelsea Trotter (R-JR), center, 6'3", is a Christian. I saw her one evening at Abundant Life Christian fellowship and spoke with her at the next game. The Stanford athletics website used to list that she wished could meet Jesus, Bill Gates (ughh), and Prince William (ugggghhh). So that was 1/3 cool. She's gonna forego her extra year of eligibility, so I won't get to see her if I do the shot clock next year. Bummer, she's kinda cute! (But I'm prolly not tall enough for her.) In fact that's one advantage of women's basketball compared to men's. At least some of the athletes are cute. The other cutie I saw this season was Gioconda Mendiola of UW. But she throws her elbows a little too violently!
Nichole Powell. Because I was male-basketball chauvinist before this season, I didn't know who she was until this season. Now, I could confidently say that she could kick most guys' asses on the court. One-on-one with non-dunking male players, she could kick any guys' ass! SHE GOT GAME! If she was a man, she'd be considered LeBronesque. She can play forward, guard or center. She's got handles! She can shoot the three, penetrate any piece of fat forward in the women's game, or dribble around the lard, and put the basket in the hole. Nichole was exciting to watch because everytime she had the ball in her hands it meant something was gonna happen. She could take over the game when she had the ball and her numbers were proof. She averaged 20 ppg, 11.1 rpg, and 3.8 rpg. There were a few games where she triple-doubled. She'll easily be a top 3 pick in the WNBA and Stanford will miss her badly next year. She's the only reason why Stanford was a top 10 team this year.
What else do I have to ramble about? Well, for many of you who haven't seen me, you might notice something different about me. Depending on the last time that you've seen me, you will notice accordingly. I've never been serious about diets. Most people would say that diets are false alterations of eating habits, forcing you to eat very little till you starve. Well, that's not true with a low-carb Atkins-like diet. In fact I eat all I want as long as it's not bread, crackers, chips, noodles or any form of carbs. So far I've lost 20 pounds from my heaviest times. Yes, I've dropped 4 belt sizes already. My pants will fall off if I don't wear a belt now. I'm not starving. But I'm not eating carbs. I miss some of those foods. But I don't miss the pounds.
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